Working With Couples Considering Divorce Essay Example for Free

Working With Couples Considering Divorce Essay The video documentary entitled â€Å"Working with Couples Considering Divorce† is an enlightening presentation about the rigors of divorce which individuals go through. Dr. William J. Doherty demonstrates the techniques he implored in dealing with people who are in a dilemma of resorting to divorce as a solution to marriage problems (Doherty, n. d. ). A couple visited Dr. Doherty’s therapy clinic to seek for advice and therapy regarding their situation. They are thinking of dissolving their marriage which has run for twelve years, and which has given them two children. The husband has already moved out recently and is considering divorce with his wife, who considers it as well. By listening to each of them, Doherty is able to highlight a prognosis of their situation, see its overview and finally treat is as a unit. The couple is able to resolve their ambivalence in their commitment with Dr. Doherty’s six-month therapy in which both of them will try to work on their marriage for six months before making a decision regarding their marriage. The doctor’s manner of dealing with the issue is talking to both of them as a couple, to each individually, taking turns, and then back together. Dr. Doherty is able to demonstrate the importance of communication between couples in resolving the dilemmas they encountered about their marriage – whether to keep the marriage or to discard it. Several couples in the United States encounter the same ambivalence, which often leads to deciding towards divorce since divorce is a common thing and is usually being resorted to most often as an immediate recourse. Couples wouldn’t normally sit down and talk about their differences, and would give up after a few tries. Divorce is usually the easiest way out for several couples in the midst of an assailing matrimonial problem. This is the reason why only a few marriages in the United States survive, and couples are left with facing a new life, a new perspective, and a new dimension as a divorcee, usually battling depression and emotional turmoil as an outcome. This is not to mention the financial losses that go with the divorce process, especially on the payment of alimony on the part of the ex-husband. The video documentary entitled â€Å"Working with Couples Considering Divorce† is able to demonstrate to us that there is a sure-fire way to get out of the divorce parameters, and that couples, given a chance for a paradigm shift otherwise known as a change of view about their marriage structure, would not opt to look at this devastating occurrence. Oftentimes, as couples are carried away with the social bandwagon of divorce in which several married couples ride on so easily, they look at this direction to why not ride as well and view divorce as an immediate recourse for the ultimate solution to their problems. As American society is highly oriented towards individualism, the surge towards divorce is a very likely and favorably convenient option especially if one sees his/her marriage as burdensome or makes him carry several responsibilities. The easiest way is the way out, or so several couples thought. The strong attachment to commercialism is also one factor that may contribute to the rising statistics of divorce in the United States, apart from the strong stances towards individualism as the society’s goal. This leads us into an inference that since couples are inclined towards material fulfillment, several marriages are assailed by this objective and are often lost in the enhancement of their jobs and career, with the marriage and the family left in the sidelines. The fast-paced lifestyle of most American households also holds witness to its link with divorce occurrences, as people are used to resolving issues and problems in a speedy manner and divorce is one speedy remedy for a trembling and unstable marriage. However, the video documentary is able to put forward a conclusion that divorce is not always the way out, and that it is not easy at all. Hence, couples should not view it as the easiest remedy. There are emotional, psychological, and mental investments which couples have invested in their marriage, one of them are their children and the emotional attachment already established in years of being together. Thus, foregoing the marriage out of a more convenient living is not a likely solution for letting people who used to be part of one’s life and are closed to one’s heart slip away that easy. Dr. Doherty is aware of the potential rigors that each of the couple would go though had they considered divorce. It is clear that in the video review, the couple’s problems are not that unbridled or epidemic, nor was there any element of domestic violence for example, which is a very likely rational reason to end the marriage, for both the wife’s sake and that of the children’s. Rather, the issues involved in the couple who visited Dr. Doherty for marriage counseling and therapy only include drifting away of the husband and the wife, making them feel as if they were not couples anymore or were not functioning as such. Hence, ending the marriage through divorce is one solution they both consider. As communication is important in couples in order to find the right solution to their problems, it is evident that the couples had lack of it or seemed to have gone inutile in properly dealing with it regarding their differences. As such, their visit to Dr. Doherty is both a timely and advisable one, since they are able to redirect themselves towards it again. It takes a marriage therapy for both of them to be enlightened about their marriage situation, see it as a whole unit in a positive perspective, and seek only positive remedies that are both beneficial and appropriate for it. The couples are able to undertake this successfully in their consultation therapy with Dr. Doherty. With the therapy, they are able to view the internal causes of their marriage, which slowly but surely drifts apart, see it as a personal obligation and commitment to repair, undertake a fresh way to deal with the dilemma, and finally decide to start anew, not by opting for divorce but through renewing each other’s commitment in the marriage. It is necessary that the couples be guided accordingly on viewing their situation, not merely offering them a concrete solution, but leading them towards seeing their problems individually and as a couple, creating and re-creating a solution for these problems, considering the entire scenario in the decision making, and renewing and redirecting earlier stances into more stable and ground-founded ones. This is how Dr. Doherty is able to lead the couple in dealing with their ambivalence about divorce. Certainly, a marriage therapist like Dr. Doherty always aims for the preservation of marriage, and he is able to do this successfully in the couple through their own analysis of their situation and by being redirected into a different perspective on their marriage. It is clear that Dr. Doherty used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in his dealing with the couple’s problems, which is geared towards modifying cognitions, assumptions, beliefs, and behaviors (Stuart, et al. , 2004). Dr. Doherty is able to outline potential unrealistic and unhelpful beliefs and assumptions which the couple considers, along with trying out new ways of behaving and reacting. This is illustrated in the view that â€Å"the marriage is doomed,† that â€Å"it won’t work out no matter how much we try,† that â€Å"we cannot settle our differences and we have to file a divorce and move on with our new lives. † These perspectives are the perspectives that the couple in the video documentary had upon visiting Dr. Doherty’s clinic, which was then refocused after a thorough therapy of six months. With the six-month therapy, the couple is able to see the importance of their marriage and the significance of nourishing the time of being together through a renewed perspective. Through this, the manner of behaving and reacting on their marriage is changed into a more favorable and beneficial one. The ambivalence for divorce is solved this way though Dr. Doherty’s help. References: Doherty, W. (n. d. ) Working with couples considering divorce. DVD. ISBN: 1-59147-440-X Stuart, R. B. , Broderick, C. , and Gurman, A. S. (2004) Helping couples change: A social learning approach to marital therapy. The Guilford Press.

All Quiet on the Western Front Essay: Pauls Facade -- All Quiet on th

Paul's Facade in All Quiet on the Western Front In Erich Maria Remarque's novel All Quiet on the Western Front, Paul Baumer paints a vivid picture of the horrors of war. Many of these horrors are purely physical, such as the constant bombardments and gunshots whizzing overhead. But along with these physical horrors come mental and emotional ones. Chief among these is the "war mindset" that the soldier must acquire in order to survive war. The essence of this mindset is the total disregard for human life, and with it, human beliefs and customs. War requires a suspension of these standard human beliefs and customs. Paul outwardly appears to have acquired this "war mindset," but he does not internalize it and thus eventually dies. For the most part, Paul at least outwardly appears to have adopted the war mindset. His actions are very much those of the typical soldier. For example, Paul, like all the other soldiers, will do anything he can for food. He is well accustomed to relieving himself out of doors: "Here in the open air though, the business is entirely a pleasure. I no longer understand why we should always have shied at these things before. They are, in fact, just as natural as eating and drinking" (8). Most of all, he values his survival above social customs: "We have lost all sense of other considerations, because they are artificial. Only the facts are real and important for us. And good boots are scarce" (21). For Paul, as for most soldiers, the rules of normal, polite society simply do not apply at the front. In the time between Paul's volunteering for the war and the beginning of the book, he has changed. For all the physical evidence, he is a common foot soldier. But Paul's transformatio... ... Paul wanted to get out of the war. Maybe Paul died on the right day; he loves quiet, and he dies on possibly the quietest day of the whole war. Maybe he just wanted to end his misery. In any case, Paul cannot accept the philosophy of war and thus gives himself up for death. Society wants soldiers to believe that war is glorious. But it is not. Society wants soldiers to believe war is an adventure. But it is not. Society wants soldiers to believe that our enemy is the only enemy, that our cause is the only cause, that our people are the only people. But there are many enemies, many causes and many peoples. According to Paul, all these causes are equally ignoble, and none of these enemies are worthy of being slaughtered en masse. For Paul, as for many people, past, present, and future, war is simply unacceptable, and nothing can repair the damage it does.

Everything’s Arranged

The short story ‘Everything’s Arranged’ by Siew Yue Killingley is about a Ceylonese girl named Rukumani that having a secret affair with a Ceylonese boy named Devanayagam while studying at University. Both of them love each other deeply. As they went for longs term vacation, their secret affair discovered by their parents. The story tells about how these young couple, especially Rukumani has struggled and suffered because of their family members, relatives and their community as they try to get together in life. Her marriage was arranged against her own wish.The main characters in this story are Rukumani and Devanayagam. Meanwhile, the other characters are Johnny Chew, Amy Wong, Mr. Sambanthan, Susheela, Nadarajah, Rukumani’s mother and grandmother, Devanayagam’s father and Auntie Sally. As from the story, the setting of the story might be around early stage after our country’s independence. During that time, love marriages are still alien to Indian cultural. The typical India Community thought fall in love as a big sin and only arranged marriage is allowed. The conflict of the story is about the rejection of love marriages by old generation.The story reveals the conflict faced by the two lovers, Rukumani and Devanayagam, who are secretly in love. Their parents, who do not know about their love story, have arranged a marriage for them, and the problem comes when both of them have to marry to another persons. The first theory that can be related to the story is Feminism Theory, which can be defined as a â€Å"recognition and critique of male supremacy combined with efforts to change it. † Feminist Theory is an outgrowth of the general movement to empower women worldwide, and it involves every sense, including belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.According to the theory, feminists fight for the equality of women and argue that women should share equally in society’s opportunitie s and scare resources. They try to fight for women’s right to be equally and fairly treated in the society, regardless of their gender. There are three ultimate goals of feminism, which include demonstrating the importance of women, revealing that historically women have been subordinate to men, as well as bringing about gender equity. ‘Feminist Theory’ is an umbrella term for Liberal Feminism, Radical Feminism, Socialist Feminism, and also Marxist Feminism.Radical Feminism According to Radical Feminism, male power and privilege is the basis of social relations, and sexism is the ultimate tool used by men to keep women oppressed. As we can see in this story, Rukumani is not allowed to decline the marriage which is arranged by her parents as it is considered as rude. She does not even get the chance to make a decision for her own future. â€Å"The time for her marriage to be arranged would soon come†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Based on this line, we can deduce that sexism is t he ultimate tool used by men to keep women oppressed.Even at the beginning of the story, it is mentioned that Rukumani will soon get married to a guy who she does not know, and it is all arranged by her parents, without considering her feelings. Her father especially, has chosen someone who he thinks is the best for his daughter because of the cheap dowry his family willing to give. Even though Rukumani already has a guy who she loves, she knows that there will be a lot of obstacles that she has to go through for their love, and it might be impossible to continue the relationship because of the arranged marriage.Realizing it or not, Mr Sambanthan, Rukumani’s father, is the one who gives oppression to his own daughter. He thinks that it is his right to find someone to be his daughter’s husband. â€Å"†¦had proved a disgraceful and shameless hussy by rejecting a match with a promising lawyer who was willing to accept a cheap dowry because of her B. Sc†¦Ã¢â‚¬  Rukumani is accused as an ungrateful child after her parents find out about her Chinese friend, Jonny, whom they taught her boyfriend. In this situation, women’s oppression is the deepest as the woman in the story has no right to do the things she likes.On that day, Jonny, who is her classmate, came to her house in order to have a talk with her during the long term vacation. However, her little brother and her mother misunderstand about them, by claiming that Rukumani brings her Chinese boyfriend to their house. It is seen as a very shameful and immoral act, that her mother starts to think of what the society might think about their family. Plus, her mother tends to compare her with the neighbours by saying that their daughters have never brought a man into their houses. Rukumani is oppressed and she does not know what to do in order to set her free.Her parents think that the guy whom they want to take as their son in law as the most perfect match for their daughter without considering Rukumani’s feelings. â€Å"At the same time, they liked to pretend that Rukumani was too spiritual to know everything about sex†¦Ã¢â‚¬  According to this line, women’s oppression is the most widespread as their lives are arranged that they do not have the chance to plan their future by themselves. Men use sexism as their ultimate tool to keep women oppressed. In Rukumani’s family, everything has been planned by her father and no one is capable of objecting it. At times I think of committing suicide but I am not sure how to kill myself. † Referring to this line, we can conclude that women’s oppression causes the most suffering in their lives. In the letter she writes to Auntie Sally, Rukumani has mentioned that she somehow feels to commit suicide for the sadness and oppression she faces because of the arranged marriage. Marrying a guy who she does not even know is not her choice, and she is not willing to do that. At certain extent , she just feels like her life is reaching to an end, which she feels hopeless, hence thinking of committing suicide.However, she does not do that as she does not know the way. It clearly shows that the decision made by her father has caused her to suffer in her life; she does not have freedom to make a decision for her own life. Liberal Feminism Liberal Feminism is about freedom, which all people are created equal and should not be denied equality of opportunity because of gender. It highlights the efforts on social change through the construction of legislation and regulation of employment practices. However, in this short story, the bias towards men can be clearly seen. †¦he could go out to shows with his friends.† During the long vacation, Devanayagam can still hang out with his friends, but not for Rukumani. In their culture, women are not allowed to freely go out with their friends, and they are strictly controlled by their parents. It is not fair for Rukumani as sh e also has feelings and freedom to do the things she likes, just like men have. The freedom should be equally given to everyone, regardless of their gender. Just like men, women can as well manage their own lives independently and should not be restricted just because of one’s wish.Psychoanalysis According to Sigmund Freud there are parts that involve in humans’ lives, which are id, ego, and superego. Id allows humans to get their basic needs met. Freud believed that the id is based on pleasure principal. In other words, the id wants whatever feels good at the time, with no consideration for the reality of the situation. The id does not care about the needs of anyone else; it is only its own satisfaction. As in ego, which is the second part, the personality begins to develop after interacting more and more with the world.The ego, which is based on reality principle, understands that other people have needs and desires and that sometimes being impulsive or selfish can h urt us in the long run. It is the ego’s job to meet the needs of the id, while taking into consideration the reality of the situation. The ego acts a balancer or reminder, and it puts limitations to the id. It tells us whether our particular action is right or wrong. In this short story, Mr Sambanthan, who is Rukumani’s father, has a very strong id. He does not even care about others’ feelings whenever he wants to make a decision.He has been arranging Rukumani’s marriage without even discussing with her, as knows that he has power to anything he wants to. â€Å"The time for her marriage to be arranged would soon come and she would find out all about that after she was married. † This line clearly shows Rukumani will only know about her own marriage after she get married, and there is someone who is planning for her. With a very strong id, Mr Sambanthan wants the marriage to be successful without even realizing that he is actually being unfair to hi s daughter.He only takes his feelings into consideration, and neglects others’. As a good father, he should first discuss with her daughter, and think of her feelings, as this matter is related to his daughter’s future. Instead, he rules everything in the house and once blaming his wife for not teaching good morals to Rukumani. Because of this, Rukumani feels so sad and worried if she had to break up with his boyfriend and got married with a guy she does not love, or even knows. â€Å"At times I think of committing suicide but I am not sure how to kill myself. In the other hand, the ego makes Rukumani not to kill herself because of the problem.Rukumani once mentions in the letter she writes for Auntie Sally that she is thinking of committing suicide as a result of the pressure she feels. However, she does not do that thing as she is still able to think rationally. Nevertheless, Rukumani also has the strong id as she eventually tells her parents and the guys’ th at she has a boyfriend that she loves. The action is considered as rude, and it is the reason why the guy’s family rejects her, and do not want to proceed with the marriage.

The Minimum Legal Drinking Age - 1800 Words

In the 1980s, the United States raised the Minimum Legal Drinking Age (MLDA) to 21, from 18, in an attempt to protect the nation s youth. This placed the USA among the few countries whose drinking age is above 18. These countries include most of Canada, the Republic of Korea, Nicaragua, Iceland, Japan, Norway, Sweden, Egypt, Indonesia, Micronesia, and Palau (Jernigan). Around the world, drinking ages vary; for example, in Slovenia, Italy, Portugal, Malta and Greece, you can drink before you turn 18, and in parts of India, you cannot legally obtain alcohol until age 25 (Jernigan; Mukherjee). This leads to an important question on whether our democracy should lower the MLDA. The facts on underage drinking, international data on lower drinking ages, current enforcement of underage drinking laws, as well as proposed implications of programs coupled with a lower drinking age provides provoking data pointing towards the ethical lowering of the drinking age. The democracy of the United Sta tes of America should lower the MLDA, but also adopt a mandatory alcohol education class, and a graduated licensing system. Many people, whether opponents or proponents of lowering the drinking age use the issue of underage drinking as a propeller for their argument. Opponents claim that if we lower the drinking age, younger teenagers will start driving under the influence of alcohol, however, you cannot legally drive alone in most states under the age of 16, thus, the 13-15 year old populationShow MoreRelatedThe Minimum Legal Drinking Age939 Words   |  4 PagesThere has been ongoing public concern for adolescents and early adults’ drinking culture in worldwide. Australia has also great concerns about early initiating alcohol misuse and risky level of drinking pattern among young population. Consequently, the Minimum legal drinking age law is one of major alcohol control enforcement legislation to prevent alcohol related harms among adolescents ( Wechsler and Nelson, 2010, p.985). Recently Western Australia which is the second heaviest alcohol consumptionRead MoreThe Minimum Legal Drinking Age Essay1599 Words   |  7 Pages Appropriate Minimum Legal Drinking Age What is the right age to drink alcohol? Alcohol’s reputation varies from one culture to another. For some cultures, like the United States, they perceive it as a â€Å"forbidden fruit† while many European countries view it more leniently as another essential complement to their daily diet. In reality, alcohol is essentially a drug, that manipulates people’s minds to make them anxious, dizzy and aggravated. The law understands that drinking alcohol has someRead MoreThe Minimum Legal Drinking Age1594 Words   |  7 PagesThe Drinking Age is Safer than You Thought As Americans, we are always wondering what we can do to save lives. We suspect cancer, disease, suicide, violence, and distracted driving as taking the lives of our fellow Americans. What you may not know, is that we are already saving lives, and we have been since 1984 because of one simple law. The Uniform Drinking Age Act of 1984 moved the minimum legal drinking age from 18 to 21. Lowering the drinking age is a step backward for our safety and ourRead MoreThe Minimum Legal Drinking Age1227 Words   |  5 Pagesopposition and doubt over their effectiveness. While today’s minimum legal drinking age (MLDA) is 21, it has been proven that the ideal minimum drinking age is 18, because it is safer for the health and it demotes crime. The healthiest drinking age is 18 because that is the age one turns into an adult, and according to the Free Dictionary’s West’s Encyclopedia of American Law, an adult is â€Å"a person who by virtue of attaining a certain age, generally eighteen, is regarded in the eyes of the law as beingRead MoreBinge Drinking And The Minimum Legal Drinking Age3264 Words   |  14 PagesKarzhova Marina Erin Beaver English Composition II 5 November 2014 Binge Drinking and the Minimum Legal Drinking Age In the year 1984, President Ronald Reagan enacted a law that increased the minimum drinking Age all U.S states to 21 years. As a result, it is believed that the mortality rates due to road accidents reduced from 5,000 in the 80’s to 2, 000 in 2005 (Dean-Mooney). However, the issue of binge drinking remains unsolved with learning institutions having to deal with it every semester. InRead MoreMinimum Legal Drinking Age ( Tietjen )1700 Words   |  7 PagesMinimum Legal Drinking Age On July 17 of 1984 President Ronald Reagan signed to make the National Minimum Drinking Age Act a law. This law required all states to have a minimum drinking age of 21, if a state did not comply with this law they could face up to a 10% cut in funding for their federal highways (Tietjen). Since this act became a law there has been two distinct sides arguing whether they agree with the minimum drinking age, or whether they disagree. One side believes having a minimum drinkingRead MoreLowering The Minimum Legal Drinking Age Essay1521 Words   |  7 PagesBeer For Everyone! The debate of lowering the minimum legal drinking age (MLDA) has been going on for decades in the United States. Those opposed, argue that the current MLDA is not efficient and counterproductive (Engs 1). One study indicated that thousands of lives under the age of twenty-one are lost each year to alcohol (McCardell 1). Underage drinking is an issue that persists, despite evidence suggesting that the minimum legal drinking age of twenty-one has lowered alcohol usage among individualRead MoreKeeping the Minimum Legal Drinking Age1283 Words   |  6 Pagesthe minimum legal drinking age in the United States or not. Many Americans forbid the idea of legalizing the drinking age so that it would be profitable to the businesses. Likewise, there have been many advantages and disadvantages of why should the government allow young adults drink under the age of 21. To prevent this issue, many Americans have provided reasoning that will support the idea of keeping the minimum legal drinking age where it is now. The government should maintain the minimum legalRead MoreMinimum Legal Drinking Age Essay Essay1938 Words   |  8 Pages22 December 2016 Minimum legal drinking age 21 Is it worth it to let teens to ruin their whole future by allowing them to start drinking at a younger age? Annually about 5,000 youth under age 21 die from motor vehicle, other unintentional injuries, and homicides and suicides that involve underage drinking.(â€Å"Underage Drinking†) It is a current debate on whether or not the minimum drinking age should be lowered to the age of 18 from 21. Though, the reasons why the drinking age should be 21, clearlyRead MoreKeeping The Minimum Legal Drinking Age2656 Words   |  11 Pagesstarting to drink at a younger age, and their drinking patterns are becoming more extreme.† Keeping the minimum legal drinking age (MLDA) at twenty-one or lowering it to the age of eighteen has been a continuous issue in the United States. People, mostly adolescent teenagers, say it should be lowered because if one is able to vote at the age of eighteen, they should also be allowed to drink. Sure, when a seventeen-year-old turns eighteen they ar e considered an adult, but age does not define maturity;